Breastfeeding in public

I am furious right now.  Tonight I was in Walmart (Warrenton for you Missouri people) at the customer service counter and Annalise started to fuss, but by the time I was done at the counter, she was really howlilng – she needed to eat.  Corinne was elsewhere and the baby gates I had bought wouldn’t fit in the cart and I couldn’t carry them plus push the cart that had Benjamin and Annalise in it, so I called her cell and told her to come up there and help me, and while I was waiting for her I sat on the bench in the customer service department to feed Annalise.

I was wearing a short sleeved top, plus a nursing tank underneath of that.  For anyone who doesn’t know what that is, it is a tank top with slits up top to get easy access when your baby needs to eat – the point of it is that when you are nursing, your stomach isn’t all exposed – the tank stays down and your top shirt goes up.  So for one thing, my stomach was not all hanging out but was covered by the tank top, for another, the baby’s head blocks most of the boob,  and lastly, what little bit of boob that was exposed, is certainly less than lots of women routinely show in low cut tops.

Now picture the set up of the customer service department.  If you are standing in front of the entrance facing the workers, to the right it is all open, but to the left there is the bench I was sitting on, whcih has a wall behind it that blocks the view from the cash registers to this bench.  So no one checking out could see me.  Anyone who was there in the customer service department wouldn’t have seen me if they were facing the workers; however if they were turned around backwards facing the registers, and were looking off in the corner, could have seen me (I did not notice anyone doing this).  The only people that could have seen me directly were the two female workers, and they were far enough away that I sincerely doubt they could have even seen any skin at all because the baby’s head blocks most of it, plus I cover up with the top shirt as best I can anyway.

So I’m sitting there nursing Annalise and telling Corinne to put the baby gates in her cart so that I can get the babies out of the store, and a Walmart worker comes up to me and says, “Excuse me ma’am, but can I help you get to a more private place like a restroom?”  I was immediately furious, because I was most certainly not sitting there with my boob hanging out, and I didn’t even have any stomach showing.  The baby was actively nursing and covering up most of me, and I was in the customer service department in the corner where hardly anyone could see!  So I said to her very assertively, “You are violating my civil rights.  I am allowed to breast feed my child anywhere.”  She said, “Even out in the open like this?”  Now I was REALLY mad, because I was not “out in the open” for pete’s sake – I was in the corner, wearing a nursing tank top, being as discreet as possible, not walking around the store with my boob hanging out!  When I get mad like that, the less said the better – I can really go on a roll.  So I just said, “Again, you are violating my civil rights.  I am allowed to feed my baby ANYWHERE. Call a lawyer and ask.”  At that point she backed off and left without another word.

Now, I could easily have left it alone there, but I didn’t.  I am tired of people’s opinions on nursing when they’re not educated on the subject – I’ve got some family members who think Benjamin is too old to still be nursing.  He’s barely 12 months which to me is definitely still a baby, he only nurses once, occasionally twice a day… I don’t see the problem.  But whatever.

In my humble opinon, people need to know the facts to get over this ridiculous misconception that women should go hide away when they’re nursing their babies.  The reason people get so up in arms about this is that they are looking at it as a sexual thing – obviously they forget that the design of a woman’s body is specifically to feed her baby in this manner!  This is the NATURAL way to do it, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!  Not that women should go around topless just because they’re nursing their babies of course… but when there’s less skin showing than you would see on a low cut top or a bikini – which you see on magazine covers right there in the Walmart!!! – what is the problem???

I live half an hour from this Walmart, and I stewed over this the whole ride home.  So when I got home I called Walmart and asked if that worker was still there and was told yes, so I asked for a fax number to send her something.  I was sent to the customer service department, and when I again explained who I was and asked for the fax number, for some ridiculous reason they put that worker on the phone.  She said, “I wasn’t trying to insult you” and I said “You know what, I WAS insulted.  You asked me to go to the restroom.  Do you eat your dinner sitting on a toilet?  I’m not feeding my baby from one!”  She denied suggesting the restroom, but she most certainly did so suggest it and Corinne confirmed it.  I just said to her, “Look, I just want to send you a fax.  Will you give me the number?” and she did.  This is what I sent:

I am the woman who was breastfeeding my newborn tonight on the bench in the customer service department whom you asked to relocate “to a more private place such as the restroom.” I would like to provide you with some education about breastfeeding. Please be advised that it is legal in every state in this country to breastfeed your baby in public. I am attaching a copy of Missouri Revised Statute 191.918 for your information. I am also attaching an article about breastfeeding and civil rights.

I am baffled as to why you felt the need to ask me to relocate. Firstly, I was wearing a nursing tank top underneath my shirt, so that when I pulled up my over shirt to give my baby access to eat, my stomach was still covered up – it is not as if I had a great deal of my abdomen exposed. Secondly, very little of my breast was visible outside of my shirt, and the baby was actively nursing – nothing “indecent” such as my nipple was exposed. I was not sitting there half naked by any means. There was less breast exposed while I was nursing than you would see in many low cut tops which some women wear in your store every day, and I sincerely doubt that you approach them and ask them to go somewhere more private or to cover up. Thirdly, I was on the bench in the customer service area, which is not “out in the open” as you suggested. The bench is located such that there is a wall behind it so that it is not visible from the cash registers, and even your customers in line at the customer service department would not see me unless they were turned around facing away from your customer service representatives and looking at the cash registers. Your customer service representatives are the only people who would have me in their direct line of vision.

I am quite offended that you asked me to relocate “to a more private place such as the restroom.” Would you eat your dinner sitting on the toilet? I certainly will not feed my 2 week old baby while sitting on one.

Sincerely,

Carolyn Gerding

The fax went through and I have heard nothing more.  Tomorrow when I am not so sleepy I am going to write a letter to the manager suggesting he educates his workers.  Not that I have any interest in doing so, but I could sue that store for violating my civil rights.

What I sent her was the statute langauge which reads “191.918. Notwithstanding any other provision of law to the contrary, a mother may, with as much discretion as possible, breast-feed her child in any public or private location where the mother is otherwise authorized to be.” and a printout of this article on breastfeeding and civil rights.  http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/997/context/archive

I’ll write again and post the letter to the manager and any response I might get.  When I was looking that up I saw a term I hadn’t seen before – “lactivist” which means an activist for lactating moms.  I guess I can fit into that category because I’m pretty passionate about the rights of moms to feed thier babies wherever and for how long they want to and I will surely not let anyone try to tell me I shouldn’t be feeding my baby!

Benjamin’s reactions to Annalise

Benjamin was still nursing once, sometimes twice a day when I had Annalise.  Mostly I kept him on because I wanted Annalise to have real milk already when she was born – I had hoped that would help to prevent jaundice – but alas it didn’t.  However, maybe it made it less severe?  Who knows.

At any rate, Benjamin did not ever try to nurse unless I offered it to him – he was perfectly content with a bottle or sippy cup.  But once Annalise and I came home, the first few times he was hungry and saw her nursing, he would come over and first look to see what she was doing, then gently put his head down and sort of nudge her out of the way.  If I moved him off of me altogether he got upset, so I would just open up my nursing bra on the other side and nurse them both.  It’s really not that big of a deal; it’s not inconvenient or uncomfortable or anything, and though some people (including my 13 year old daughter Corinne) think he is too old to be nursing, my thought is that he’s only 12 months old… he’s still a baby!  He can’t walk yet, he doesn’t say any words yet, and he doesn’t have any teeth yet!  Now granted, lots of babies walk at a year, almost all have teeth by now, and so I’m not using those things as a benchmark… but the fact is, he IS still a baby, and I don’t see why it’s a problem if he’s still nursing part time.  In many countries people nurse up to age 2 or 3 routinely.

The other day this happened, and me, the babies, and Corinne were up on my bed.  Benjamin had been kneeling on the bed when he tried to nudge Annalise, and when I opened up the other side, he literally lunged at it, like a lion going after prey.  I thought it was hysterical.  He also stayed in his kneeling position.  Corinne was just horrified, but I think it’s funny.  I’m hoping I can get him on video doing something like that, just to laugh at when they are all older.

Aside from the nursing, he has not shown any jealousy at all – not that I really think that he’s jealous there either, just that he wants the milk too!  I had been working with him for several months prior to her birth on how to ‘be nice’ by gently stroking as opposed to a typical baby excited  “hitting.”  So he watches her sometimes, and at first I would take his hand and “pet” her for lack of a better word and say “Nice baby” to get him used to the idea of being gentle with her.  Sometimes he does that spontaneously.  He will also come up to her and lay his head on her affectionately like he does with me  A few times I’ve kissed her and said “Mommy kisses Baby” then kissed him and said “Mommy kisses Benjamin” then said “Benjamin kiss Baby” and he’s done it, and once or twice he’s kissed her on his own.

He’s also big on touching her face, her eyes, her nose, and shoving a finger in her mouth. LOL  When he does that I watch carefully to make sure he’s not being too rough (he’s still far too young to know any better) and when he’s touching her nose etc. I label it – “Baby’s nose” or “Baby’s mouth” and then touch his and say “Benjamin’s nose” or “Benjamin’s mouth” and then do the same with mine.

In the hospital I tried to take pictures of them together but it didn’t work out until they were both asleep.  Walter was holding Benjamin on his lap and when I put Annalise next to him Benjamin pushed her away. LOL  I don’t think it was a jealousy thing; I think he’s just a year old and opinionated and at that time he just didn’t want her there!

This first week I’ve been home with both of them I have not tried to take any more pictures just because I’ve been so busy.  The house is such a horrible mess that I can’t stand it, and when I was pregnant I couldn’t do it, so I’ve been spending time trying to get the housework caught up; spending time getting the nursery organized; trying to get my job work caught up; and going to Corinne’s track meets.  I really, really want to get pictures of them together soon, but I definitely need a second person to help in case he gets rough while I’m snapping away, and Walter’s been in the fields. They’re calling for rain tomorrow so if it does rain, I will be sure to take advantage of him being home to try to get these pictures!

Annalise’s jaundice and first few weeks

So Annalise followed in her big brother’s footsteps – she got jaundice and had to spend some time inpatient in the hospital to clear it up.   To read about Benjamin’s jaundice, go to http://benjamingerding.wordpress.com/2008/04/

Annalise was born on Tuesday 4/7, and we expected to be discharged the morning of Thursday 4/9.  However, she started to look a little yellow, and when they drew her bilirubin levels, they were just under what would require treatment, so we stayed overnight to see what would happen, and it was a good thing we did – they went up and did require treatment.  She went on a bili bed overnight and the levels went down some, so they discharged us on Friday late afternoon with a bili bed at home, but we had to get her levels drawn on Saturday.  History repeated itself, as we were home for 18 hours, then had to go back to the hospital; just like what happened with Benjamin – overnight her bili levels had jumped 4 points to 19, so they wanted her under a double light.

After a few days her levels were better, but because of Benjamin’s history where he was taken off the lights and rebounded to a higher bilirubin level than before, we stayed overnight for observation, and sure enough, she did the same.  We ended up spending Annalise’s first 9 days inpatient which really was crappy; but on the other hand, it was less time than we had to spend in the hospital with Benjamin when he was born for his jaundice.

I woke up the day after I gave birth to her with a cold, and that night I had a low fever.  A few days after that she woke up with a cold, and then had a fever.  I felt so badly – I had given my week old baby a cold!  I was very careful with handwashing and using GermX but I guess when you’re nursing a baby every two hours, it’s inevitable.  Her temperature didn’t go above 99.3 and it only lasted for about 24 hours, however now at nearly 3 weeks old, the poor baby still has horrible congestion in her nose which should clear itself out soon.

So far Annalise has Benjamin’s temperament – she is quiet and happy until she’s hungry.  Corinne was very demanding and as soon as she felt hungry she started screaming her little head off, but Benjamin as an infant made, and Annalise makes, small fussing sounds when they are waking up to eat and the don’t go to a full blown cry if I get to them quickly.

When I go to bed Annalise goes in her cradle next to my bed but the first time she wakes up I put her in the bed with me and latch her on and fall back asleep – I am too tired to do much more – and when she wakes up after that we’re already in the bed and all I have to do is get her latched on.  Several times overnight she’s only woken up once, and I was worried about that, but she saw the pediatrician two days after we were discharged (on Friday April 17) and then again yesterday (Friday April 24) and she gained 9 oz in those 7 days, which is excellent – they want to see between 1/2 ounce and 1 ounce every day so she’s well above that and I totally don’t need to worry that she doesn’t get enough and can just continue nursing on demand.

When she is starting to wake up she makes the funniest little sound – it sounds like she’s giggling, or making a sound like either Beavis or Butthead (I can never remember which it is) – you know, that “hehehe” sound.  It cracks me up!  Usually she will nurse for about 10 minutes, take a snooze for a short while, then eat somre more.  Several times a day now she will stay awake for a while after eating.

I’ve got pictures, but they’re not downloaded yet… so hopefully soon I will have time to take care of that!

New blog – Annalise is here!

Benjamin’s blog goes from his birth to just before he turns a year old and is at http://benjamingerding.wordpress.com but I’m not going to keep separate blogs for each child, so this one will cover from his 1st birthday on, plus any other children I have subsequently, including Annalise Lily, who arrived on April 7.  The story of her birth is at http://pregnancyjournies.wordpress.com/2009/04/26/annalise-is-here.

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